Rebel Belle

Rudolph and Clarice are in heaven

2008-12-06T23:05:00.001-05:00

wow-

I'm me...

2008-02-15T20:16:00.004-05:00

They say it's over... :(

2007-09-26T08:26:00.003-05:00

The back story~

39 years...
Wrapped up and tossed.
Thousands of moments-
Crumpled and lost.

Too many incidents-
Too much to forget,
Simply kill the Union,
Get past the regret.

He can live his life,
And she can live alone.
The kids are all grown ups
With homes of thier own.

And yet- there's the sting-
No more "Mom and Dad".
No longer a Unit...
And it just makes me sad.

Because I wanted to believe-
And I wanted them to make it,
But indeed there comes a time-
When 2 can no longer fake it.

A disolution of marriage,
Freedom from ties-
So many years vested~
Kiss them goodbye...

Monday, Aug 20th

2007-08-20T08:25:00.000-05:00

"It is love, not reason, that is stronger than death".

Thomas Mann

10 hard things to say-

2007-08-05T22:43:00.001-05:00

A friend did this on their blog and I wanted to do the same-

1) Write down 10 hard things you wish you could, or should, or would say.
2) Don't reveal who you are writing about~
****

1) I am going to miss you with every fiber of my being when the end comes. Dead or alive, I will always love you- and I will ever miss you.

2) I wish there was as much between us as everyone thinks there is.

3) Why do you let everyone in the world walk all over you? Say NO! Say FUCK NO!!! Let me say it for you!!!

4) You are behaving badly and setting a terrible example for your kids. Stop it. They deserve more.

5) I never felt like I was special to you- and it's hurt me my whole life.

6) Why didn't you love me enough to take care of yourself? Weren't any of us worth it? Weren't you worth it?

7) I don't want to hurt you, any of you, but I wish I could run away about 50% of the time these days.

8) You are not worth the time it will take for me to come up with something ugly to say about you. Go home and put some freaking clothes on when you are out in public! Ughhhhh!

9) My heart appreciates your heart... I know when someone cares- I can feel it, and I value it. Thank you :)

That's enough~

A day at the beach- a metphor for life~

2007-06-14T21:21:00.001-05:00

Sometimes the view before our eyes...

Does not prepare us for what is looming up behind-
-

The big dark cloud hung over us, but the sun peered around it's thick edges, stretching rays of light beyond the temporary borders of the storm.

I stood in the cloud's shadow and looked up- reassured by the light, yet chilled by the winds that blew stinging sand against my exposed skin.

As with many things in life, I waited it out. I hunkered down- put up the umbrella, called the kids in close to me, and we watched the giant dark clouds sail out over the ocean...we were safe.

No thunder rolled, no lightening flashed- just the threat of a storm...and an empty threat in the end.

I'm glad I didn't scramble for the car- or run in a panic over "what might be".

--
I'm glad we stayed, and played in the waves, and found courage to stick it out- even when things looked bad...

I know- I know...this is the way to live life.
With our eyes open, with courage, and a willingness to be patient and wait.

(all of the above photos were taken during a span of 2 hours, on the Atlantic coast- north of Wilimington)

2007-06-12T03:02:00.000-05:00

His little life sailed into mine-
A perfect life so sweet...
Precious tiny fingers,
Perfect tiny feet.

I held him for an hour,
He knew not that I was there-
I bundled him so close to me,
He had no fret or care.

And I wondered..."Why not me again?",
Others start so late.
Beginning families at 40-
I'm only 38!

Love is what's required-
To create a life so true...
And 10 years off my age,
Would be helpful too!

No, I sighed...just to myself-
I'll not have another little one...
But I can give my love and heart-
To my sister's baby son :)

Welcome to the world baby boy!
I am so happy to meet you :)

Tempted-

2007-05-31T19:14:00.001-05:00

I know I shouldn't, but OH how I want to...
It isn't right...not "approved of"...but I'm aching for it.

Warmth, sweetness...sticky-
mmmmmm

Just being close enough to inhale that scent- makes me tremble...my mouth waters...

I left the room to keep my distance.
Such will power!
But...my thoughts linger-

Stop...stop...stop!
Don't think about it!

Go for a walk!
Go for a swim!
Sit in the hot tub!

Wait...I did all those things- and all I could think of was how nice it would be if I weren't alone.
If I had some sweet company-
That would be so nice.

I went back. I gently opened the glass door..."he" was waiting...

I just couldn't resist-
The chocolate chip cookie needed to be devoured!

I did a fine job...except for the chocolate in the corners of my mouth~

:)

What were you thinking?!

Paradise from Fire

2007-05-21T10:19:00.000-05:00

I found a post recently from a blogger that I've been reading off and on for over a year. He's linked on my home computer, but not on my side bar- guess I need to fix that~

He posted this:

"Passion"

You can’t have passion

without having hope.

When you have passion,

you no longer fear.

While I agree with his statements above- I have some questions...
and I had a vision.
I'll start with the vision.

I saw a volcano.
Liquid fire gushed up through the top and spilled over the sides of the mountain...burning, rolling, inching it's way towards the water below.

The lava was beautiful, powerful and intense.
Absolutely nothing could stand in it's way. It consumed everything in it's path.
Plants vaporized from the heat long before the lava got close to them. The whole landscape of the mountain was altered.

As it moved it's color changed. Slowly it lost it's bright red intensity as it started to cool. Eventually it turned into what looked like black stone...barren and porous.

What had been a vibrant, hot, moving, molten mass of melted earthly innards was now something completely different. It had become rock hard- black- and very sturdy.

What if passion is like lava?

What if, over time, passion completely changes it's form and function?
What if- what you experienced early on in your relationship is unreasonable to expect later on?

What if you are unprepared for the truth of that transformation?

What if you keep expecting the red hot stuff, but only find black rocks everywhere?
Did anyone tell you this would happen?
Didn't you see it your parents marriage? Or did you chalk it up to apathy, or old age, or not pay any heed to it?

The passion couples have for each other is not always like it was in the beginning...sometimes not even close. However, the poem above makes a profound statement...
"When you have passion, you no longer fear"-

No fear of being alone.
No fear of rejection- (at least in a healthy relationship.)

Passion becomes one of two things, as I see it. It either burns up and burns out, or it transforms into something solid- something you can build a relationship on.

It's interesting to think of liquid fire becoming stone and then supporting life. It does not seem possible, and yet-- look at Hawaii. A whole chain of islands created by volcanic activity- now lush and green and full of living things.

What is better? The burning hot lava- red and fiery- and a wonder to behold? Or the stunning plant and animal life that's taken over every square inch of the islands?

It's difficult to comprehend in the lava stage that things are going to change so very, very much.

And hard to imagine, when standing in Paradise, all of the beauty we behold started with an explosion and fire.

This is where I find myself in this phase of my life.
Missing what was and stunned by what is.

It is breath-taking and gorgeous...

And not at all what I expected.

"Being"

2007-04-30T15:14:00.000-05:00

On all of his contact lists as the most important person to call in an emergency.

The first person he calls when something funny, or terrible happens. (Everything else he forgets to tell me.)

In his family photo album as "the first girl-friend" (and the last, BTW).

Together for longer than we've been single.

The mother of his, and mine, 2 astoundingly great kids.

The only one he cries in front of.

The only one who really knows what frightens him.

Able to tell that he has a migrane just by looking at him.

Pretty sure what he wants for dinner without asking...because I usually want exactly the same thing :)

Alone for a few days and enjoying our time together. (and playing our old video games from our late teens...and he still wins!!! Blah! :)

"In a love" is not the same as "Being In Love"- but I do see how it's better in many ways. I'd really rather wear my favorite old sweater thats soft and perfect for me, than a new jacket- all stiff and unaware of my shape.

Content with choices made long ago- and not playing the "what-if" game...

A safe harbour for him,indeed, he has certainly been one for me-

Bee Gees - You Should Be Dancing

2007-04-20T09:21:00.001-05:00

Wish the sound was a little better~ I heard this yesterday and I almost hurt myself in the car *DANCING!*
:) Enjoy...hope it brings back good memories- I was 7 when this song came out! :)

Weather~

2007-04-14T20:25:00.000-05:00

Saturday Night
Mostly cloudy skies with a small chance for a shower this evening. There will be an increasing chance for showers and thunderstorms past midnight with some possibly strong or severe. The main threats will be damaging wind gusts, hail and possibly a tornado. Lows in the upper 50s-mid 60s. Our storm system is heading into the area tonight. Some of the rain towards morning may be heavy at times with as much as 2" possible. Winds from the south at 15-25mph.

I guess I'd better bring the plants inside!

Sometimes...

2007-04-13T20:45:00.000-05:00

I try too hard to be everything to everyone.
And sometimes I don't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks.

Wish I could find some middle ground here...
Really wish I could.

Florida 'Church for Men'

2007-04-08T23:21:00.000-05:00

Features Rock Band, One-Hour In-and-Out Guarantee...
And NO women~

What next?

Beer and Doritos for communion?
________________

I suppose asking for a Billy Idol tune during the worship service might be a bit much to ask for?

Oh- wait a sec...I can't go anyway :(

(I could try to dress up like a Deacon or something???)

Source of Peanut Butter Contamination Found

2007-04-05T16:32:00.000-05:00

Sooo...
the fact that p-butter has 14 grams of fat per TABLESPOON isn't some sort of contamination???

What? Do the children of America need to become seriously overweight before people realize that it's actually harmful to their health?

Wait...
nevermind~

Five For Fighting - The Riddle

2007-03-19T07:28:00.001-05:00

hundred years

2007-03-18T23:25:00.002-05:00

Billy Idol - Shock To The System

2007-03-13T22:06:00.001-05:00

Grrrrr!!!! LOVE this song :)

So, this is what happens in a Muslim Government?

2007-03-07T16:12:00.000-05:00

Saudi Kidnap, Rape Victim Faces Lashing for 'Crime' of Being Alone With Man Not Related to Her

And these aren't even the terrorists...these are just peace (or should I say "piece") loving Islamic men following the rules of Muslim Law.

She was:
Kidnapped-
Gang raped by 7 men-
Blackmailed-
and now to be lashed 90 times for HER crimes-

Yes- this is a reasonable, peace loving, and tolerant group of men...
Kind of sucks for the women though~

Jimmy Eat World - The Middle

2007-03-04T11:43:00.001-05:00

THE MIDDLE
By: Jimmy Eat World
-
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or
Looked down on
Just try your best
Try everything you can
And don't you worry
What they tell themselves
When you're away

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle
Of the ride
Everything, Everything will be just fine.
Everything, Everything will be all right, all right

Hey, you know
They're all the same
You know you're doing
Better on your own
So don't buy in
Live right now
Just be yourself
It doesn't matter
If it's good enough
For someone else

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in
The middle of the ride
Everything, Everything will be just fine.
Everything, Everything will be all right, all right

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in
The middle of the ride
Everything, Everything will be just fine.
Everything, Everything will be all right, all right

Whoa..

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or
Looked down on
Just do your best
Do everything you can
And don't you worry
What the bitter hearts
Are gonna say

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in
The middle of the ride
Everything, Everything will be just fine.
Everything, Everything will be all right, all right

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in
The middle of the ride
Everything, Everything will be just fine.
Everything, Everything will be all right.

"Comon fiber of life" ~

2007-02-22T17:57:00.000-05:00

"I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness toward someone who needs help.

There is no mistaking love.

You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our connection to God and to each other."

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Oooo- I WANT one!!!

2007-02-20T20:03:00.000-05:00

(I stole this...you know who you are.
Not sorry :)

Apparently these little devices are going into mens restrooms...and they have a recording to warn fellas not to over indulge and then operate heavy machinery.

A guy saddles up to a urnial to make room for more beer...

"Dude, Don't drink and drive." (actually- I've never heard one, so it might be a little different)

I hope they put some in the Ladies room, but ones with a different message- like:

"Are you sure you want to hook up with that guy?"

"Check your mascara...it's running a little."

"Did you bring condoms? They're on sale next door at CVS" or

"Sister- you have a great ass!"

I might see if I can get one for my bathroom...one I can program with all kinds of special messages- just for me!

"Your hair is fabulous!"
-
"Everybody's boobs do that after a while...don't fret."
-
"Skip the scale today...it's not our friend."
-
"I love the way you smile."
-
"Darlin'- you have a great ass!"

I wonder if I can find one on the internet?

I wonder if I couldn't just find a MAN to say those things?

"Sigh"...think I'd better check ebay~
;)

Al Gore...I feel so much better now!

2007-02-19T14:23:00.000-05:00

Recently Al Gore said,
"Our climate crisis is the biggest challenge facing humanity,"

Really?
Not Islamic Terrorism?
Not ethnic cleansing in Darfur?
Not Nukes in Korea?
Not Missiles in Russia?
Not Trans-fats and partially hydrogenated oil?
Not Brittany going bald?

I'll finally be able to sleep tonight- thanks Al!

Dan Fogelberg

2007-02-18T18:05:00.001-05:00

Trying to reach beyond the emptiness-
but neither one knew how...

Missiles and WMDs (click here)

2007-02-18T09:48:00.000-05:00

So...if any object tossed in the air (towards a moving car) is considered a "missile"-
I wonder what constitutes a Weapon of Mass Destruction???

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17212960/

FOX news story~

2007-02-01T19:57:00.000-05:00

Woman: Cops Ignored Pleas for Help at Arrest, Baby Died Next Day

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,249044,00.html

Ummm- since when was a 12 week growth in-utero a "BABY"???

Where to lay fault?

2007-01-30T12:35:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, in a city near me, a woman's car was stolen at a gas station.
Along with her 3 year old child who was inside.

The mother went inside to pay for gas. Apparently she left the car unlocked,
the child inside, and the keys in the ignition. She abandoned her child for a few moments to fend for itself- and was quite horrified when she discovered both the car and her baby were missing when she came back to where her car had been.

Now, all the TV coverage of this story has been focused on recovering the child- who was found safe inside the same car, abandonded yet again, about 90 minutes later. The thief got away, but police are still looking for the man and will press charges for grand theft auto, and kidnapping.

But- guess who I am angry with?

The mother.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Who leaves their keys in the ignition of their car, unlocked, in busy public place?

And then who leaves their 3 year old alone in the car?

Look- I understand it's frigid outside in these parts. The baby was strapped in, snuggled down, and comfortable. It's a hassle to take the baby inside the store, even though that's what she should have done.

The next best solution would have been, obviously, to lock up the car and take your damned keys inside with you...and be quick, quick, quick!

I think the mom should be charged with neglect. She endangered the life of her child- with absolutely no regard for it's safety.

People leave their kids in the car for quick stops at the gas station, food mart, and the liquor store. It happens everyday- all over the country- at all times of the year.

People are stupid. I wish it was against the law.

Don't leave your toddlers in the car, unlocked, and with the keys in the ignition.
You might as well hand your kid off to a stranger and hope for the best.

That at least wouldn't be abandonment..

Media Royalty

2007-01-18T16:23:00.000-05:00

From one of Hollywoods finest~

"Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four."
- Katharine Hepburn

She's absolutely right.
Actors aren't dumb by any means...but they aren't brain surgeons, or MBA's either.
(Well, except for the ones who are brain surgeons or MBA's...???)

Why, as a society, do we give these people the kind of coverage we do?
Wait~

I don't give them coverage...
I don't read the trade mags...or the gossip stuff (and this is a conscious choice- BTW)
I turn them off when they start their "political-speek"...

The Media gives them coverage!

I'm really beginning to loathe TV...really.

It's a media orgy centered around minorly gifted, and low class wage earners- who have the right to speak...

and I have the right not to listen.

Thank goodness!

A Taxing Post~

2007-01-11T21:32:00.000-05:00

A beloved family friend in Macon Ga sent this to me...

The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casual manner, think about whether you want the "politicians" spending your tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look
at New Orleans. It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division .

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.

B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans,
your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D.C. ... HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??

This is too true to be very funny

Hell- I'm moving to New Orleans!!!

Wait...I've never gambled, prostituted myself, stole money, or just laid around all day waiting for a government check. I might have trouble finding something to do down there!

LETS TAX

Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxing is the rule.

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.

Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.

Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.
! If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.

Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.

Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom!"

And when he's gone,
We won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!